The Murderdolls Halloween

Well, It's Halloween, and I must commemorate said holiday with a lovely pointless story, as I often do. I own the story but not the characters, for they own themselves… well, except Joey who is locked up in my…. I mean…. Not locked in my closet? Er… On with the spooky fun.


It was the night every dentist looked forward to, the night when all their candy-munching patients would start getting tooth aches and losing teeth. Tonight was… HALLOWEEN!

Now on this Halloween, in a random town in the old USA, some unfortunate town folk would have to put up with some unruly, drunken trick-or-treaters.

In this town was a band known as the Murderdolls.

Yes, the 5 spooky, men (in full costume) had decided to stop at this particular town and wreck havoc on the unsuspecting townsfolk.

Each man had dressed in a spooky costume of their choosing. The lead singer, Wednesday 13, had dressed as his favorite action hero, Rambo. The guitarist, Acey, had dressed like the lovable, giant, walking skeleton we all know and love, Jack Skellington. Bassist, Eric Griffin had dressed as… well… nobody was quite sure, but whatever it was… it involved leather. A lot of leather. The gaunt drummer, Ben Graves, had dressed as a lawyer, complete with sharp metal claws for ripping flesh from all those who did not obey his lawyer-y ways. Last but not least… the tiny guitarist, known as Joey Jordison, had dressed like a fairy princess.

So they walked along merrily (except Joey who was pouting and crossing his arms angrily.), scaring small children, getting weird looks from adults wondering why 5 fully grown men were prancing about on Halloween, especially the one in the fairy princess outfit.
"Hey guys, why the hell am I a fairy princess?" Joey growled throwing his candy bucket at the ground. Acey and Ben scrambled for the dumped candy. Eric looked over at Wednesday.
"How many times must we tell you this? YOU CHOSE IT YOURSELF JOEY!" He yelled.
"Prove it!" Joey said. Wednesday pulled out a tape recorder and pressed play. On the tape recorder, Acey's voice was heard.
'What do you want to be for Halloween Joey?'
'I wanna be a fairy princess!' Joey slurred drunkenly on the tape. Other voices on the tape howled with laughter.

Wednesday stopped the tape recorder and put it back in his pocket. Joey had uncrossed his arms and was looking confused at Wednesday.
"Why would you tape that?" he asked.
"You never know man." Eric said, "Now let us continue our candy quest, before Ben and Acey eat each other!"

So they continued on.

In this city was a large deserted park. Their parents had taught the Dolls, when they were younger, that it was not a wise idea to be walking through large deserted parks at night. Unfortunately, they had been preoccupied with better things than listening to their parents.

They began their trek through the large deserted park.

The park was bigger than they had imagined, and soon all the sugar-hyped dolls became bored.
"I'm bored!!" Joey announced.
"You told us that 30 seconds ago." Wednesday murmured.
"BUT I'M BORED!" Joey shrieked.
"Do not make me get medieval on your ass." Ben said gravely holding up his hand. Joey flinched at the sight of the large metal claws.
"Hey, am I the only one who hears a car or sees headlights?" Acey said pointing at the lights that were silhouetting him.

Everyone spun around and looked at the fast approaching jeep. They said and did nothing for a few seconds as the info processed in their brains. Wednesday was the first to realize fast approaching jeep plus puny human body equals not too good results.
"SCATTER!!!!" he screamed jumping out of the way. The rest of the band followed suit and jumped out of the way of the jeep.

The jeep ran past them and spun around. Out of the top popped 3 people, all clad in the same overalls and kerchiefs.
"Well, Billy Joe, look what we've got ourselves here! A pansy ass 10 year old girl!" one chuckled.
"Yer right Bobby, why's she hanging out with them pansy men?" another said.
"Come here, baby! Let us show you a good time!" said the one named Billy Joe. Joey then realized they were talking about him. His eyes turned red and he breathed heavily. The other members of the band scurried back a good 20 feet from the scene.

"I am a 29 YEAR OLD MAN!!!" he shrieked pulling a crowbar from under his fairy princess skirt. He ran towards the jeep with a crazed look in his eyes.
"SHE'S GOT A CROWBAR!!!" shrieked the one they called Bobby. Joey took the crowbar and smashed in the grill of the jeep. Billy Joe ducked back into the jeep and sped off.
"COME BACK YOU YELLOW BASTARDS!!!!" Joey screamed running after the jeep. He was made faster by the combination of sugar, anger and bottle of Jack Daniels he had earlier.

Eric blinked a few times and stood up. Wednesday looked confusedly at Acey. Acey sighed.
"They were asking for it." He muttered, he quickly changed his tone, "Let us get more candy!!"

So the Murderdolls continued their trek without an angry fairy princess slowing them down.

An hour or so later, with Wal-Mart bags and buckets full of sweet, sweet candy, the dolls were heading back to the bus, when they realized something.
"Hey, did we have any eggs left over?" Acey asked abruptly.
"No, I believe we used up all our eggs." Wednesday replied calmly.
"Oh." Acey said. The band walked for another block until they realized something else.
"Hey, where's the midget?" Ben asked. The others looked around, but saw no Joey.
"Oh yeah, he was chasing after those rednecks." Eric said.

"I think we should go get him before he does something stupid." Said Tripp who was dressed like a pirate.
"Hey, when did you get here?" Wednesday asked confused.
"I dunno, my band dumped me here. I ate all the food, and made mad love with Wayne's stuffed bunny." Tripp smiled happily. Eric, Ben and Acey looked at Wednesday with identical looks that said 'Do we have to let him follow us?' Wednesday looked at them with a, 'Only til we find the midget.' look.
"Aw!!" the band sighed angrily. They grumbled some incoherent obscenities and continued the Quest to Find Joey.

"Where are we going? Haven't we already passed that tree? Where the hell did my parrot go? Hey! Is that a Cadillac? Why is Eric dressed like a dominatrix? It's a bit unnerving actually." Eric smiled, happy that someone actually knew what he'd dressed as. "Oh my god! HALLOWEEN IS FUN!" Tripp continued talking. Wednesday slapped his head in annoyance. Eric stuffed some Butterfingers into his ears to get rid of the noise, but that was in vain seeing as Ben was now trying to lick the Butterfingers out of Eric's ears. Acey was trying to drown out Tripp's mindless drivel by humming the song 'My Sharona'.
"Hey!! THAT'S REALLY FREAKING COOL!" Tripp screamed pointing in a random direction. Everyone looked where Tripp pointed. All they saw was a girl with freaky face paint dragging 4 men in masks on leashes behind her. She stopped, wide eyed and tried to hide the leashes, choking a man in a skull mask in the process.
"NO! NOT THERE!" Tripp screamed, "THERE!" He pointed in another direction. Everyone looked to see a beat up jeep with 4 people walking around singing songs.
"THAT'S JOEY!" Wednesday shrieked pointing at the one in a pink fairy princess dress.
"Let us save him!!" Eric shrieked pushing Tripp to the ground and running like a maniac towards the jeep. Wednesday stopped him, whispered something and pointed towards Tripp. Eric smiled and nodded his head.

"Cuz I'm the only gay Eskimo, in my tribe!" Sang Joey and the rednecks drunkenly. They had just chugged a crap load of Moonshine. Eric snuck up behind the jeep dragging Tripp behind him. To shut Tripp up, they had shoved Ben's sweaty, smelly sock in his mouth and duct taped his mouth shut. Eric grabbed Joey, pulled him back and slapped his hand over Joey's mouth. He quickly changed Tripp and Joey's costumes and undid the cover on Tripp's mouth. He put Tripp the fairy princess in Joey's place and ran away with Joey the pirate.

Later, back at the bus, the band began to scarf down their Halloween candy. Joey had sobered up over the last hour and a half and was very happy to find he was no longer a fairy princess.
"Yay! I get to be Johnny Depp for Halloween!" He squealed.
"Hey, Wednesday? Why does this always happen to us?" Eric asked.
"Come again?"
"You know, why the hell are we in this town? Why was Joey dressed like a fairy princess? WHY CAN'T WE JUST LIVE NORMAL LIVES WEDNESDAY?! WHY?!?" Eric asked getting increasingly dramatic.
"Dude, just shut up an watch the movie." Wednesday muttered putting Dawn of the Dead in the DVD player.

Fin.